Belief

In some of the training that I’ve done over the past decade or so, I’ve often heard it said that ‘intention doesn’t guarantee performance’.

I said in my first blog that “I’ve set a goal to make an entry every day for the period of Lent and right up until Easter Sunday.” … And here I am not having made an entry for the second day!

I was gonna … Last night I felt exhausted, and thought why don’t I have a 5-minute powernap, then do it? Seemed a good idea … But I didn’t set my alarm, and instead of 5 minutes, it was more like 5 hours! Waking in the middle of the night, I thought I could get it fine before the new day in my part of the world … Well, I did write an email to a friend, but fell asleep after that thinking of what I might write here! So, now the new day has begun!

I have a meeting booked in at 11 my time, and now am thinking I can get something written about yesterday before then (it’s about 10:30 as I write this) … But sitting here there is a part of me that feels more like going and having another nap than writing here!

Am I physically tired? Well, yes, a bit, and I can think of some reasons to explain that …

But, I think there is also the question of belief … Do I really believe I can do it?

It would be easy to say ‘of course I do’, and even get a bit upset if someone questioned that … But I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this question lately in a number of aspects of my life, and scarily finding that often the picture of myself that I’ve built up inside of myself (the self-concept) is that I don’t really believe I can achieve things. I’ll talk about something quite confidently, but then not follow through … And this has become quite a well-established pattern.

It feels like I’ve been battling this for a long time without finding a way through … But am still hopeful that one day thus will change …

For now, though I haven’t written about other things I’d thought I might (such as Valentine’s Day), hopefully the fact that I have pushed through now to post something is a small step in the right direction … And now I’m off to my meeting 🙂

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About Rohan

An Aussie trying to make a small difference in the world - currently living in Shanghai, China
This entry was posted in Life, Personal Growth and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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